please come you make the beer taste better
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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