Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she peed on how many people?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize