The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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