They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
