Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
