i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
