I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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