Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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