oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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