tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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