So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
