even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
