Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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