I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
