You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
A bitchslap is in order.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize