Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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