Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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