dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
