At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
