I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
