I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
