her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
