i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
