you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
