it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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