her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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