Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
