Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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