Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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