I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
