I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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