Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I wear drunk well.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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