Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize