I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
