Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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