think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
