I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
