Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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