I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
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