how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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