I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
