Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
