Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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