OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
