you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
