Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
