I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
