im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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