How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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