if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
