Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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