I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
