i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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