Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize