Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
