I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
