we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
