The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize