Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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