She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
