what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
