i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
