i think my mom watched the whole time
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
