She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I pour the whiskey from now on
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
