Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
