I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
