i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's official drugs can't kill me
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
