let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize