Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
