If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
