the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
