If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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