he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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