don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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