I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
