he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
