I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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