My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
