The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
