TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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