these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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