Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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