Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize