Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
