It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
