i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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