Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
