you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
