the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Im part way to drunk.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
