I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
