It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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