I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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