dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
