So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
