She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize