omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm getting married
To pizza
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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