i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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