I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
