Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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