May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
