yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dick very happy bro
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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