my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
