I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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