You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
