It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
