i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
