Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
