I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
